SEAHAWKS!!!!!!!

This is pretty funny!!!!


In a school just outside of Pittsburgh, a first grade teacher explained to
her class that she is a Steeler's fan.

She asked her students to raise their hands if they were Steeler's fans too.

Not really knowing what a Steeler's fan was, but wanting to be liked by
their teacher, their hands all went up into the air.

However, there was one exception. A little boy named Timmy had not gone
along with the crowd.

The teacher asked him why he had decided to be different ... "Because I am
not a Steeler's fan" says Timmy.

The teacher then asked, "What are you?"

Timmy sayed "I'm a Seahawk's fan."

The teacher was a little perturbed now, her face slightly red, she asked
Timmy why he was a Seahawk's fan.

" Well, my mom and dad are Seahawk's fans so I'm a Seahawk's fan too."

The teacher was now angry. "That's no reason" she says loudly. "What if your
mom was a moron and your dad was an idiot?"

Timmy smiled and said, "Then I'd be a Steeler's fan."

No Nursing Home for Me

About 2 years ago my wife and I were on a cruise through the western Mediterranean aboard a Princess liner. At dinner we noticed an elderly lady sitting alone along the rail of the grand stairway in the main dining room. I also noticed that all the staff, ships officers, waiters, busboys, etc., all seemed very familiar with this lady. I asked our waiter who the lady was, expecting to be told that she owned the line,but he said he only knew that she had been on board for the last four cruises, back to back.As we left the dining room one evening I caught her eye and stopped to say hello. We chatted and I said, "I understand you've been on this ship for the last four cruises". She replied, "Yes, that's true." I stated, "I don't understand" and she replied, without a pause, "It's cheaper than a nursing home".So, there will be no nursing home in my future. When I get old and feeble, I am going to get on a Princess Cruise Ship. The average cost for a nursing home is $200 per day. I have checked on reservations at Princess and I can get a long term discount and senior discount price of $135 per day. That leaves $65 a day for:1. Gratuities which will only be $10 per day.2. I will have as many as 10 meals a day if I can waddle to the restaurant, or I can have room service! (which means I can have breakfast in bed every day of the week).3. Princess has as many as three swimming pools, a workout room, free washers and dryers, and shows every night.4. They have free toothpaste and razors, and free soap and shampoo.5. They will even treat you like a customer, not a patient. An extra $5 worth of tips will have the entire staff scrambling to help you.6. I will get to meet new people every 7 or 14 days.7. T.V. Broken? Light bulb need changing? Need to have the mattress replaced? No Problem! They will fix everything and apologize for your inconvenience.8. Clean sheets and towels every day, and you don't even have to ask for them.9. If you fall in the nursing home and break a hip you are on Medicare; if you fall and break a hip on the Princess ship they will upgrade you to a suite for the rest of your life.Now hold on for the best! Do you want to see South America, the Panama Canal, Tahiti, Australia, New Zealand, Asia, or name where you want to go?Princess will have a ship ready to go. So don't look for me in a nursing home, just call shore to ship.PS - And don't forget, when you die, they just dump you over the side at no charge.


It's all about me...Deal with it!!

God is a Seahawks Fan

Terry Bradshaw, after living a full life, died. When he got to heaven, God was showing him around. They came to a modest little house with a faded Steelers flag in the window. "This house is yours for eternity, Terry." said God. "This is very special; not everyone gets a house up here." Bradshaw felt special, indeed, and walked up to his house. On his way up the porch, he noticed another house just around the corner. It was a 3 story mansion with a blue and white sidewalk, a 50 foot tall flag pole with an enormous SEAHAWKS flag, and in every window a blue Towel. Bradshaw looked at God and said, "God, I'm not trying to be ungrateful, but I have a question. I was an all-pro quarterback, I hold many NFL records, and I even went to the Hall of Fame." God said, "So what's your point Bradshaw?" "Well, why does Matt Hasselbeck get a better house than me?" God chuckled, and said, "Terry, that's not Matt's house, it's mine."

Blonde Jokes

1. Two blondes living in Oklahoma were sitting on abench talking.......and one blonde says to the other,"Which do you think is farther away..........Floridaor the moon?" The other blonde turns and says"Helloooooooooo!!! can you see Florida.......?????"2. CAR TROUBLEA blonde pushes her BMW into a gas station. Shetells the mechanic it died. After he works on it for afew minutes, it is idling smoothly. She says, "What'sthe story?" He replies, "Just crap in the carburetor."She asks, "How often do I have to do that?"3. SPEEDING TICKETA police officer stops a blonde for speeding and asksher very nicely if he could see her license. She repliedin a huff, "I wish you guys would get your act together.Just yesterday you take away my license and thentoday you expect me to show it to you!"4. RIVER WALKThere's this blonde out for a walk. She comes to ariver and sees another blonde on the opposite bank."Yoo-hoo!" she shouts, "How can I get to the otherside?" The second blonde looks up the river ... thendown the river and shouts back, "You ARE on theother side."5. KNITTINGA highway patrolman pulled alongside a speeding caron the freeway. Glancing at the car, he was astoundedto see that the blonde behind the wheel was knitting!Realizing that she was oblivious to his flashing lightsand siren, the trooper cranked down his window,turned on his bullhorn and yelled, "PULL OVER!""NO!" the blonde yelled back, "IT'S A SCARF!"6. BLONDE ON THE SUNA Russian, an American, and a Blonde were talkingone day. The Russian said, "We were the first in space!" TheAmerican said, "We were the first onthe moon!" The Blonde said, "So what? We'regoing to be the first on the sun!" The Russian andthe American looked at each other and shook theirheads. "You can't land on the sun, you idiot!You'll burn up!" said the Russian. To which theBlonde replied, "We're not stupid, you know.We're going at night!"7. IN A VACUUMA blonde was playing Trivial Pursuit one night. Itwas her turn. She rolled the dice and she landedon Science & Nature. Her question was, "If you arein a vacuum and someone calls your name, canyou hear it?" She thought for a time and then asked,"Is it on or off?" 7.FINALLY, THE BLONDE JOKE TO END ALL BLONDE JOKES!A girl was visiting her blonde friend, who had acquiredtwo new dogs, and asked her what their names were.The blonde responded by saying that one was namedRolex and one was named Timex. Her friend said,"Whoever heard of someone naming dogs like that?""HELLLOOOOOOO......," answered the blond."They're watch dogs

Why ARE Men Happier ?

Men Are Just Happier People-- What do you expect from such simple creatures?Your last name stays put. The garage is all yours.Wedding plans take care of themselves. Chocolate is just another snack. You can be President. You can never be pregnant. You can wear a white T-shirt to a water park. You can wear NO shirt to a water park. Car mechanics tell you the truth. The world is your urinal. You never have to drive to another gas station restroom because this one is just too icky.You don't have to stop and think of which way to turn a nut on a bolt. Same work, more pay. Wrinkles add character. Wedding dress $5000! . Tux rental-$100. People never stare at your chest when you're talking to them.The occasional well-rendered belch is practically expected. New shoes don't cut, blister, or mangle your feet. One mood all the time. Phone conversations are over in 30 seconds flat. You know stuff about tanks.A five-day vacation requires only one suitcase. You can open all your own jars.You get extra credit for the slightest act of thoughtfulness. If someone forgets to invite you, he or she can still be your friend Your underwear is $8.95 for a three-pack. Three pairs of shoes are more than enough. You almost never have strap problems in public. You are unable to see wrinkles in your clothes.Everything on your face stays its original color. The same hairstyle lasts for years, maybe decades. You only have to shave your face and neck. You can play with toys all your life. Your belly usually hides your big hips. One wallet and one pair of shoes one color for all seasons. You can wear shorts no matter how your legs look. You can "do" your nails with a pocket knife.You have freedom of choice concerning growing a mustache.You can do Christmas shopping for 25 relatives on December 24 in 25 minutes. No wonder men are happier!!!!! Send this to the women who can handle it and to the men who will enjoy reading

Kill Your TV

http://www.turnoffyourtv.com/

We have not had TV on at our home since August 2004.
It was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
Check out the above link to decide if you should turn yours off too!

From a recent Jay Leno monologue

Because of the tough presidential primary last year, there was talk that there might be a personality conflict between Kerry and Edwards. Thankfully, Kerry doesn't have a personality, so that won't be a problem.

Have you been watching Kerry and Edwards on the campaign trail? These guys have done more hugging in four days than Bill and Hillary have done in 25 years.
--
"The trouble with practical jokes is that very often they get
elected." --Will Rogers